More aware

Dear Violet,

A couple of weeks into your 17th month, and you're starting to become more self aware, and with that comes not just happy feelings, but the not so happy feelings also.  We've actually seen these for the past couple of months, but as your brain develops and you grow, we begin to see these with more frequency.

Your confidence has always flown high, as we encourage you to fall literally and figuratively, and pick yourself up again, yet I know there's a fine line where (and we are still observing more, just as you observe us) traits that are more frowned upon can start to crop up.  That doesn't make them bad per se, but we are starting to see that the time will come soon when we will have to intervene more, to teach you how the world works.

You've begun to display fear more readily, by running back and climbing on me, or by being near me.  You don't cry when you're scared, but you do get quiet and that look of uncertainty.  There is also when you hold your hands in front of your eyes as if to shield yourself from what's in front.

I first saw you do this when Lola Betty threw her tantrum shortly before Thanksgiving.  You didn't cry, but I could see you watching in horror.

You get mad when you don't get what you want (usually our phone to watch Chu Chu TV), and will cry out to voice your displeasure, but will also, stop, make quiet eye contact, sometimes throw something down.  It's actually quite cute, and I try not to laugh so you know I'm taking you seriously.

Last night, i hid my phone from you when you started looking for it, and you yelled at me, picked up your globe, and dropped it in your display of anger.  It dropped on my hand, and I disciplined you, telling you 'no', then you tried to scratch my face, and I hit your hand and told you 'no'.  You didn't back down, you didn't cry, and we had a little mini stare down.  Afterwards, you walked away and started playing with your carousel.  You brought it over and wanted me to push the top so it could spin.  I do so, and you laughed and laughed.

At the park the other day, you did something new, when you kept telling the only other kid in the park "No", when he was climbing the stairs to the slide.  Your Mom and I called out to you to be nice, and you started blowing him kisses.  You seem to know when you're in trouble, and when that happens you also seem to try and turn it around.

I really do cherish this time in your life right now Violet, it's very precious and I know it will be fleeting.

You wake up with a smile, have begun to call out Da-da when you hear me stirring, you hand me either the elephant or your Minnie Mouse, before I pick you up and you start your day (making animal sounds, greeting Mama in bed, and go upstairs where you call for Echo). 

Putting you in your car seat, you usually have a smile for me, and we will play a mini game of peek-a-boo before we take off.

You still kiss Mama and DaDa when we ask.

I digress, but these memories of you I will always cherish.  I'm excited for you to discover the world, but I'm also fearful.  Just this morning I was reading an article about how kids at a school in Boca Raton started a program #WeDineTogether, so that kids in school socialize and don't eat alone.  Reading the comments from adults, there are so many kids that get bullied.  I don't want you to get bullied, nor do I want you to be a bully.  I know if/when it ever happens, it will be difficult for me to watch as it will for you.  I hold you in my arms cradling you, knowing that I won't be able to protect you like this and make it go away so easily.

Love,
Dad